READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Im part way to drunk.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
