so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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