I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
