What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
