rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
