I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
