what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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