I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
