I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize