I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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