NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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