This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
