the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
