If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
