then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
