Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
well you can't waste a boner
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
