She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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