she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
