I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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