Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
