My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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