if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
a search helicopter?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
