I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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