There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
