and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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