Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
