so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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