Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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