she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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