Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
