I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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