Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
