there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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