Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
