Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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