i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
