i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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