If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Boobs speak an international language.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize