Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
