I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
