i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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