im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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