tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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