Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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