Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
