He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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