I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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