I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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