I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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