just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
