I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
