At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My penis needs a shock collar
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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