I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
