How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize