PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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