My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
