so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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