do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
