I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
