I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
