I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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