the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
