Swine flu. Run for my life!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
