in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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