1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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