You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
