She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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