We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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