you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
