its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
