His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm both gender and math confused
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize