I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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