What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
