you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
