You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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