I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
im on a boat
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