he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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