So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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