If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
