fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
