Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
