I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just forgot I was standing up.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
