he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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