have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
