I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
