I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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