Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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