1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
