Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
