Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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